Now Hiring
Like I mentioned yesterday, all I do these days is apply for jobs. Someone hire me, please! I usually smell good and I have a nice smile and I speak English and sometimes I do my makeup really well and I interview well!
Well most of the time... Remember that time I listed '"I'm not ugly!" when I was asked by the hiring committee what some of my strengths were? Because I do! Heh heh... But I got the job in the end so who's laughing now? (Still me. I crack myself up sometimes.)
Anyway, as I was saying, jobs. I apply for them all the time. But sometimes, I find a weird job that breaks up the monotony. Want to hear some?
Option #1: Matchmaker for www.realblacklove.com
Let me just remind you what me and C look like.
Now let's take a look at what this job entails. Word for word from the hiring site:
"Do you love playing cupid to your friends and family? We love what we do too, and it shows! We are searching for matchmakers to inspire and assist our men. Do you feel a passion to help others find the love they have always been searching for? Are you passionate about love and bringing singles together? Then you may just have what it takes to become a RealBlackLove.com matchmaker. Not only will you be a mediator of love, but you have the chance to make great income as well."
Do I have what it takes to become a "mediator of love"? Let's answer the questions and find out!
Do you love playing Cupid to your friends and family? Well I would, if I knew any single men to set up with my sisters/sisters-in-law that WEREN'T my brother-in-law. That stuff's only allowed in West Virginia or something. And most of my friends are married (thanks to our good friend Tinder) or band nerds that don't have a chance unless it's with other band nerds. I consider them somewhat lost causes at this point. I'm just not... Part of their world, as it were.
Do you feel a passion to help others find the love they have always been searching for? I do! I usually find that buying them a pizza and a stuffed animal really help. Who doesn't love pizza? And a little stuffed bear? Aw man. Feeling the love!
Are you passionate about love and bringing singles together? You know, I do consider myself passionate about love and bringing singles together. And by singles I mean dollar bills in my wallet. Is that what you're talking about?
Based on my answers to these questions, I'm pretty sure I don't quite have what it takes. Bummer.
On to the next one?
Option #2: Part-time Pet Detective
"Do you like to share stories about your pets? Do you like to listen to other pet lovers talk about their pets? Do you enjoy meeting fellow pet parents and can you build rapport easily? Are you passionate about your pets and overall animal health and well-being? If you answered yes to the above questions we would like to talk with you. Great Plains Leasing LLC, as the exclusive demonstrator agency for [company], is currently seeking enthusiastic pet lovers, who care about the health and well-being of pets, to join us in our efforts. As a Pet Detective you are responsible for being the face of our brands to pet parents in your assigned pet specialty stores."
Sounds intriguing. Another question segment. Let's see if this one will work out better than the matchmaker one did.
Do you like to share stories about your pets? I would if I had any, probably. Fish do the darndest things.
Do you like to listen to other pet lovers talk about their pets? Haha, I can answer this one with a whole-hearted no. Unless their pet is a hedgehog. That's way more interesting than listening to how your dog gave you that puppy dog look with those sad, longing eyes so you HAD to give him your Doritos/cinnamon roll/ice cream cone/paycheck/first-born son. Gosh.
Do you enjoy meeting fellow pet parents and can you build rapport easily? HAHAHA pet parents? What is a pet parent? Isn't the pet parent also a pet? I'm lost. But I suppose I can build rapport. I can fake like I'm interested in anything for a few minutes, right?
Are you passionate about your pets and overall animal health and well-being? I don't know about this one. Was I passionate about Bernard? I feel like I was. Maybe? I am definitely concerned with animal health and well-being. I love happy animals! As long as they don't jump on me or touch me.
So after all that... where is the detective part of this job? "Detecting" people that will sit and talk about cat parenting with me...? Can I just work in the fish department? I have experience with fish.
So all in all, today's job hunt isn't going so well. Maybe I'll walk the couple miles to Ben and Jerry's and drown my sorrows in The Tonight Dough, which I've heard is amazing. I'll keep you posted.
-K
PS - 105 views yesterday? All because C shared one post? That's amazing!!! Welcome, new readers!
Well most of the time... Remember that time I listed '"I'm not ugly!" when I was asked by the hiring committee what some of my strengths were? Because I do! Heh heh... But I got the job in the end so who's laughing now? (Still me. I crack myself up sometimes.)
Anyway, as I was saying, jobs. I apply for them all the time. But sometimes, I find a weird job that breaks up the monotony. Want to hear some?
Option #1: Matchmaker for www.realblacklove.com
Let me just remind you what me and C look like.
 |
| A nice person might call us "exceedingly fair skinned". |
"Do you love playing cupid to your friends and family? We love what we do too, and it shows! We are searching for matchmakers to inspire and assist our men. Do you feel a passion to help others find the love they have always been searching for? Are you passionate about love and bringing singles together? Then you may just have what it takes to become a RealBlackLove.com matchmaker. Not only will you be a mediator of love, but you have the chance to make great income as well."
Do I have what it takes to become a "mediator of love"? Let's answer the questions and find out!
Do you love playing Cupid to your friends and family? Well I would, if I knew any single men to set up with my sisters/sisters-in-law that WEREN'T my brother-in-law. That stuff's only allowed in West Virginia or something. And most of my friends are married (thanks to our good friend Tinder) or band nerds that don't have a chance unless it's with other band nerds. I consider them somewhat lost causes at this point. I'm just not... Part of their world, as it were.
Do you feel a passion to help others find the love they have always been searching for? I do! I usually find that buying them a pizza and a stuffed animal really help. Who doesn't love pizza? And a little stuffed bear? Aw man. Feeling the love!
Are you passionate about love and bringing singles together? You know, I do consider myself passionate about love and bringing singles together. And by singles I mean dollar bills in my wallet. Is that what you're talking about?
Based on my answers to these questions, I'm pretty sure I don't quite have what it takes. Bummer.
On to the next one?
Option #2: Part-time Pet Detective
"Do you like to share stories about your pets? Do you like to listen to other pet lovers talk about their pets? Do you enjoy meeting fellow pet parents and can you build rapport easily? Are you passionate about your pets and overall animal health and well-being? If you answered yes to the above questions we would like to talk with you. Great Plains Leasing LLC, as the exclusive demonstrator agency for [company], is currently seeking enthusiastic pet lovers, who care about the health and well-being of pets, to join us in our efforts. As a Pet Detective you are responsible for being the face of our brands to pet parents in your assigned pet specialty stores."
Sounds intriguing. Another question segment. Let's see if this one will work out better than the matchmaker one did.
Do you like to share stories about your pets? I would if I had any, probably. Fish do the darndest things.
Do you like to listen to other pet lovers talk about their pets? Haha, I can answer this one with a whole-hearted no. Unless their pet is a hedgehog. That's way more interesting than listening to how your dog gave you that puppy dog look with those sad, longing eyes so you HAD to give him your Doritos/cinnamon roll/ice cream cone/paycheck/first-born son. Gosh.
Do you enjoy meeting fellow pet parents and can you build rapport easily? HAHAHA pet parents? What is a pet parent? Isn't the pet parent also a pet? I'm lost. But I suppose I can build rapport. I can fake like I'm interested in anything for a few minutes, right?
Are you passionate about your pets and overall animal health and well-being? I don't know about this one. Was I passionate about Bernard? I feel like I was. Maybe? I am definitely concerned with animal health and well-being. I love happy animals! As long as they don't jump on me or touch me.
So after all that... where is the detective part of this job? "Detecting" people that will sit and talk about cat parenting with me...? Can I just work in the fish department? I have experience with fish.
 |
| RIP Bernard |
-K
PS - 105 views yesterday? All because C shared one post? That's amazing!!! Welcome, new readers!
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