K's Guide to the NCAA

Today, let's play a word association game. I'll say a word, and then what me and C think of when we hear that word. Ready?

Word of the Day: Seed

Me:

C: 

That's right, March "madness" is upon us, (and by "madness" I mean the utter annoyance that such a month of useless sports-playing exists.) The fact that this country glorifies and worships collegiate athletes sickens me. I was in some classes with some of these "student" athletes, and let me tell you, they are spoon-fed everything they have to know. Spoon-fed! Utterly spoon-fed! I was in anatomy with a girl who was an athlete and she had a private anatomy tutor, paid for by the university, that she met with twice a week. She hardly ever set foot in a lab! And of course she did better than me, because duh. What's the chances I could beat her when I'm stuck learning in a 200:1 ratio in lecture and 15:1 ratio in lab while she gets everything 1:1?! Absolutely none. Ridiculous. These "student athletes" are essentially patted on the back and gifted their diploma (in health and wellness, probably) and shortly thereafter wander aimlessly into the adult, real, non-cushy world where the rest of us have been living for our whole collegiate career, only to suffer and fail because they have no real work ethic. It's pathetic, really. I mean, why did I have to work hard and have two jobs plus my coursework just to stay alive, while you were gently escorted through "college" with your athletic full-ride scholarship and "earned" your "degree". Ugh. Whatever. *gets off soapbox*

So yesterday was the "Selection Sunday", where to the best of my knowledge, a bunch of guys sit around a table and say random colleges I've never heard of. Wofford? Robert Morris? Xavier? Do any of these schools actually exist? Your guess is as good as mine. These "colleges" are then placed into a bracket, which looks like a big family tree, if your family tree was awesome and everyone only had two kids. 

Then, they all get a number called a "seed" which is supposedly how good they are on a scale of one to... 16 or something? I can't remember. 12? Who knows. If you're a lower number you're better than a higher number. This is sometimes important and sometimes not, and sometimes you have "upsets" where the big number beats the little number. Which has never made sense to me, because I always think the big numbers are better than the little ones. I mean, if you have someone who has 2 Thin Mints and someone who has 15 Thin Mints, obviously you want the 15 Thin Mints. It makes sense. Right? No? Okay. 

Let's review. Lessons we've learned so far?

1. Student athletes are what the Spanish call "el lameo".

2. There are five thousand more colleges than you think there are.

3. Brackets are important. Also, do your family history.

4. Seeds, contrary to popular belief, are not something you plant but something that is assigned to your fictitious college. 

5. Little numbers beat big numbers. Think waistlines, not Thin Mints. 

My alma mater has been chosen to play in the "First Four", which is called that because there are four teams that play before anyone else because they weren't good enough to just get in the special bracket. They have to share their bracket spot with someone else until one of them beats the other one and are rewarded their own bracket line. Whee. 

I have also recently become aware that I am now obligated to fill out my own bracket, which will consist of me making decisions on who will "win". I have determined I will choose by the outfits of the players. If both outfits are equally ugly, I will pit the mascots against each other and see who wins. I feel good about this decision.

Final takeaways:

6. Playing before other teams is not an honor.

7. Filling out brackets is hard and boring. 

8. Nobody looks good in the Wofford colors. No seriously, Google it.