WARNING: VENTING AHEAD!!!!

You have been sufficiently warned. If you're looking for something that will bring a gentle smile to your face, like a bunch of kittens or something, I've got a website for you. Google Images. If you're here to read about my ANNOYING roommate, read on, friends.

You ready for this? Okay. First of all, you should know that I will do almost anything to avoid contention with roommates. I've found that if you pick your battles extremely selectively (like for me, when it comes to the A/C), you get a lot farther than crying about everything. True story. So I complain a lot when I get in mediums like this because I know they're never going to read/never care to read/never even think that I would have a blog.

I'm just going to make a bullet list of problems, if it's all the same to you. Shake up the format, and all. Chronologically through the day, if possible.

•  First thing in the morning. Truth is, I don't really like talking to people in the morning, but she comes out. Without fail. Every morning. "Good morning!" No. It is not good. It is bad until I can get some food in my stomach, hopefully Honey Bunches of Oats (with Almonds!).

Yummy yummy...

• So I'm eating my perfectly NORMAL breakfast of the best cereal in the world (see bullet point #1), and she comes out and starts peeling an onion. An onion. Whaaa? So she starts peeling this onion and sauteing it or whatever people call it these days, all I know is it makes my Honey Bunches start to taste funny. I HATE the smell of onions. I will do ANYTHING to not smell that way. And guess what? Our apartment smells like it. ALL THE TIME. 

As if an air freshener could get rid of the stench. 

• Moving on. So I go to school full-time, work part-time, and try to find room for homework and a semblance of a social life in between. It's hard work, man. So when I get home, the last thing I want to hear you talk about is complaining about how hard it is to be an Elementary Ed major. Now I understand that once you get higher up, you start to do student teaching and it gets really hard. But for now? Seriously, all they do is color and learn how to teach kids to "dance" (at least, I think that's what she's doing. No one knows for sure). Anyways, so when you come home and say how tired you are, and how hard it is to be you, respectfully, shut your trap. It's not like your major is that difficult. You're in your sophomore year of El Ed, and I'm a biology senior. So, yeah, don't talk to me. So you were on campus until 8 pm. I'm on campus for like...at least 8 hours a day more like 10 or 12 on bad days. It's all about perspective, people.
• What do the next three sentences have in common? "Hello, ladies!" "How was your day, ladies?" "Is there room for me at the table, ladies?" I'll give you three guesses and the first two don't count. Don't call me a lady. Ever. 

Do you think Pascal wants to be called a lady?

• So I'm eating food, right? (Let's assume that the onion smell has magically dissipated...) I'm eating my food, that I bought with my meager salary, that I bought for me to eat. Right? That's how the grocery store works. I'll present the rest in a dialogue form, just for fun.
• Me: [eating Fudge Stripe cookies, which I allow myself to have after a long hard day]
• Annoying Roommate: [walks in door] "Good evening, ladies! What a long day I've had!"
• Me: "Uh huh." [focuses on Fudge Stripe cookies and episode of Whose Line is it Anyway I'm watching, something I also let myself do after a crappy day]



Probably the best part of my day so far today. It's been a long one. 

• Other roommate: [engages in random discussion with annoying roommate]
• Annoying Roommate: "Can I ask you a favor?"
• Me: [pauses Whose Line annoyingly and takes out earbuds] "Um, what?"
• Annoying Roommate: "Can I have one of your cookies?"
• Me: [looking down at my two cookies I have left, and wondering what on earth I did that would ever make her feel like that was an okay question to ask. I've had a long day, lady. Don't try and take my Fudge Stripes away from me.]
• Me: "Um...okay..." [Drat! I've chosen not to fight this battle. Now I will lose my last cookie. :( ]
• Annoying Roommate: "Are you sure that's okay? I don't have to."
• Me: "Um...no, it's fine..." [Oh man. Cue the Hulk inside of me. My cookie children are being eaten by a stranger.]
• Annoying Roommate: "Great! Thanks!"
• Me: [watching sadly, unpauses Whose Line, which suddenly became a lot less funny...] 
• So you see it. My cookie was gone. And how are you supposed to say no to that? This is the same roommate that asked another of our roommates for some chocolate, because "I started my menstrual cycle today." Freaking heck, woman. Get in your stupid car, drive to Macey's, and buy yourself a freaking Hershey's bar. They're seriously, like what? 80 cents? Please, girl. I don't care if you don't have a job. Buy your own freaking "menstrual cycle" treats. I do. Everyone in the normal world does. I'm not going to let you eat my treats. Leech. Also, who calls their period a "menstrual cycle?" I mean, honestly. This is not the 1980s. 

Think of this as my "WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU THINKING??!!!" face.

• Oh! Another thing! She freaking has a handicapped sticker in her car. But she's not handicapped. Like...at all. She wears a brace on her foot sometimes. In the house. Where no one can see her. And it's seriously like once or twice a month. It really annoys me, because I have a dad that really needs the handicapped sticker and life becomes really hard if he doesn't get to park close to where he needs to. I think it's selfish, immature, and rude. If you don't wear a brace on a regular basis, freaking take that handicapped sticker down and give it to someone who needs it. 

Want a real reason for a handicapped sticker? Agent P would be all too happy to oblige. 

• Okay. I'll stop myself after this one. I promise. Man, once I start, I just can't stop. So the last annoying thing she does is she always asks people to wake her up. Like "When are you getting up, Katelyn?" "Um...I don't know, when I feel like it?" "Oh.Well could you wake me up when you get up?" Um. No. You have a cell phone. Set the alarm like the rest of the world. I am not your mother. Heaven forbid.

You see what I have to live with? It's just unfortunate, because most of the time I get along with everybody pretty well and I don't have to worry about crap like this. But it's like everything she does pushes my buttons and makes me want to scream "GROW UP!!!" Will I? No. Do I want to? Yes. Do I complain out loud or to other people (besides my sisters)? No. I'm not a complainer, really. This blog is nice because I can just type whatever the heck I want and it'll turn out okay, because this is my blog for me, and it's where I vent. 

Thanks for reading, guys. It's been a long day, and sometimes I just find myself constantly praying for patience. Like right now. Oh well. Here's hoping she's run out of onions...

-K 

PS: I hope you enjoyed my Sheldon pictures throughout. They give a sense as to what my face looks like during each of these scenarios. Here's a couple for the road:

How I look on the outside when she's annoying me.
"No, of course you can have one of my Fudge Stripes..."

How I feel inside when she's annoying me.
"HOW DARE YOU EAT MY COOKIES??!!!!!"